Sequence of events that led to the break-up.read more
We just weren't talking. I was talking to my friends and trying to think through what I was comfortable with open relationship wise. I was also trying to figure out other ways we could help our relationship going forward, like me not relying on her for mental health, me exercising more, us trying couple's therapy, me buying new clothes, us trying different sexual experiences, etc.
Then on Saturday at 4am I discover the job thing. Text her panicked.
Next morning, she calls and we talk. Ask her job thing. She says no, I express relief then she seems to express hesitance about my relief, I press her on it. Then she says that she's been holding it in for a long time and it's really hard but she doesn't want an open relationship, she wants to take a break. She says at least a year. She said it's because she feels like I'm not a "functioning adult".
I ask her a ton of things, like can't we do this or that etc, and she just says no no no. Literally gained no ground. She just wanted exactly what she said and wasn't willing to compromise or try to work through things with me. She seems most concerned about keeping her job at Coursicle, I said it would be fine.
3 hours later I go to sleep wake up and feel absolutely awful. Couldn't imagine working with her when she's dating other people. Tell her I'm not so sure and she might have to leave Coursicle and that this might be so big of a deal that we can't ever get back together, and she gets really really upset. But just because she might have to find a new job, and maybe move out of New York. She didn't seem to care about me not seeing this as a break. Only coming to therapy if I can keep the job, couldn't sit through therapy with you. She is just saying that she's going to couple's therapy because I want to.
That really hurt me, the idea that she could discard me so easily and care more about my decision on her job than her actually staying with me. We didn't talk much more after that. I only sent her that long text.
Been struggling with the fact that it seems we're definitely about to break up. I'm just trying to prepare myself to move on. I've been thinking about other girls I could try to see. Been thinking about how to handle us working together, etc. Been focusing a lot on trying to gather anger toward her for being so selfish at a time when I'm going through something like this. It helps me feel like I can move on.