A small note to myself.
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Focus on the fact that you have Tara at all. Think about all the memories you have with her. Think about how life could have played out that you would have never had those, that you would have never loved her, or even that you would have never met her.
Be grateful for what you have, your mind and your personality. Be grateful that you have things to look forward to, that you can see Tara every two weeks. That you have the ability to explore academics independent of instruction.
Be grateful that you're not sick anymore. That you don't have to deal with the bad medicine transition anymore.