Notes to self after Tara told me that she had feelings for someone else.
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- [ ] You're fine! You're going to get through this just like before. Plus you're in a much better starting state.
- [ ] Remember that the Prozac is working in the background all this time while you try to improve yourself. Just think "Prozac!"
- [ ] You're not wasting time. This recovery period is necessary for you to have a much better year.
- [ ] Regarding Tara. Actions speak louder than words. She said it wasn't even a choice, she didn't really have one. It was like basically fully platonic anyway, only very momentary fleeting feelings.
- [ ] She chose you
- [ ] She's still with you.
- [ ] She loves you.
How to feel better:
- [ ] Prozac
- [ ] Do WORK
- [ ] Running every morning
- [ ] Video games with friends
- [ ] Playing chess?
Upshot: 2 weeks for baseline better, 4 weeks to feel amazing! Gradual slope the entire time, each day better than the last. Remember: I was starting from a lot lower on 4/3/19 (broke down in front of Dr. Walker). Was dissatisfied with work back then and just so many other "real" things, none of that now, so I should improve faster!
3/12/2019: got back to SF.
4/3/2019: first meeting with Dr. Walker. Upped to 20mg.
4/11/2019: last notable panic attack, it seems?
4/15/2019: had that night with Carolyn and had a great swing class. Mostly just complaining about feeling sedated in the mornings, seems to have been Remron. Was having a lot of difficulty sleeping, but didn't seem to be panicking (then or during the day). Apparently last panic attack was around this time.
4/25/2019: Only have had occasional anxiety, been pretty rare. Seems super focused on morning sedation, that's the only main issue. Went off Remron on 4/24.
5/2/2019: feeling euphoric. Happy all the time. Felt like a "happy person". Don't need anything to look forward to, feels like nothing can get me down. Still was having sleep issues, but said it doesn't stress me out. Just felt tired during days, but overall appear to be so much better.
5/14/2019: only had one anxiety attack in the past 4 weeks. Feeling very happy and euphoric still. Sleep was apparently better on Remron.
5/17/2019: Quinn's wedding (felt amazing).
5/19/2019: NY trip (felt amazing).
Other notes: Work will set you free. Have found this repeatedly that working all day makes you feel better. Basically, I started the day with like half-assed doing work, just easy work, and by the end of the day I was feeling like I could get real stuff done.
Two observations: I feel better after getting real work done, and I feel better when I don't feel like I need to be working, like the weekend or closer to the end of the week.