I managed to get between two best friends and it got kind of ugly.

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Andi,

 

It was brought to my attention that you've been making some very inappropriate remarks to Joe.  I understand that you liked him and how you might have felt betrayed when I started dating him, but that is no excuse for the way you've been acting.  

 

First of all, suggesting to my boyfriend that you are a  better match for him than I am is one of the worst things a girl can do to her "best friend."  While there may be "things about him that compliment the way you are," you need to understand that he and I are together and you can't interfere with that.  Telling him that you think our "relationship isn't developing in a productive way," is simply malicious and uncalled for.  Saying that you are "both sensitive in a way that the other wants/needs," is a traitorous thing to say to your best friend's boyfriend.  I just don't understand how you could do this to me.  The only explanation for this behavior that I can see is your feelings for Joe and your interest in trying to take him from me. This is the biggest stab in the back I've ever experienced and I honestly did not think you capable of such an action, let alone toward me.  I suppose everyone has the capacity for this type of behavior but I thought you were smarter than that and that you cared about me more.  Stop trying to steal him away from me.  It's not going to work.  And you told him you "feel a connection to him"?  You need to keep that shit to yourself.  It makes you look desperate and it's not at all endearing to Joe.  

 

Second of all, some of the things you said about me in general were mean spirited and simply spiteful.  Saying that I "am more interested in attention than any form of companionship" or that I "have no depth" is something you should never think, let alone say, about your best friend. Does our friendship really mean so little to you?  How long have you felt this way about me?  If you're capable of saying these types of things about me, I hate to think of how long these feelings have existed or what else you've said about me.   If that's the way you truly feel about me, then we should not be friends at all.  If that's not how you feel, it was a horrible thing for you to say and I don't understand any motivation you could have had other than trying to drive a wedge between Joe and me.  

 

I also can't believe that you asked Joe not to tell me.  He's my boyfriend.  Telling him to keep secrets like that from me puts him in a really awkward position.  You obviously don't care much for his feelings, either.  Did you really believe that this wouldn't get back to me?  That I wouldn't hear about it sooner or later?  Joe and I have a healthy relationship.  We communicate about the important things in our relationship.  You had to have known he was going to tell me that my "best friend" was betraying me in the worst possible way.  I care for Joe deeply and you were undermining my feelings for him by telling him we weren't right for each other.  I would never do that to you.  Joe feels bad about breaching your confidentiality but the situation you put him in was completely unfair and I can't help thinking that you were hoping that the secrets between us would hinder our relationship even more. 

 

I don't understand how you can say those things my relationship and me and then continue to pretend to be my best friend, someone whom I am supposed to be able to trust unquestionably and without limit.  You had this conversation with Joe while I was sitting RIGHT NEXT to you.  And then you spent the rest of the weekend acting as if nothing had happened.  I didn't even know until Joe told me when we got home on Tuesday.  And that night you asked if you could come to the beach with my family?  If you hate me so much, you don't get to come on our family vacations.  While we accept you and we love you, this is NOT your family.  This is NOT your house.  You don't get to have my family and betray me at the same time.  

 

I want to believe this is a misunderstanding, but I honestly just think you are jealous of me and what I have and you just don't want me to be happy.  If Joe weren't the nice, honest, faithful guy that he is, and he would have let this type of talk between the two of you continue, would you have kept it up? How far would you have gone? Would you have allowed him to cheat on me with you?  Do you not care about me or my feelings at all?  Being with Joe is one of the few things that has made me legitimately happy in a very long time and I simply wanted my best friend's support.  Why can't you just be happy for me?  Joe doesn't want to be with you.  Get over it.

 

When you suggested that I break up with him when I had that fight with him over the phone at the beach, was that out of genuine concern for my happiness and well being or was that some devious, calculated plan of yours to land him for yourself?  How excited were you when we started fighting?  Did you think I'd break it off and you'd get a chance with him?  Think again.  Even if Joe and I did break up, he doesn't like you like that.  

 

You say that you are rude and mean to him because you "can't show affection as much as you want to."  So, it's not okay to show any inappropriate affection when I'm around, but it's entirely fine to have an inappropriate conversation with my boyfriend when you don't think I'll hear about it?  That's really messed up, Andi, and I honestly don't feel like you care about me at all.  You got mad at Josh when he simply had feelings for another girl (which he didn't even act on and he fessed up to, so he didn't even really do anything wrong) but sneaking around and talking like this to my boyfriend behind my back is perfectly okay?  How hypocritical can you be?  And speaking of hypocritical, you got mad when Joe and I cuddled on the bed at his beach house?  Really?  We were being "disrespectful"?  What about that time you and Josh got up and left and had sex in the other room when Isley and I were sitting on your couch?  Was that not disrespectful?  I don't think you know the definition of respect.  Or friendship.  You've also been acting so fake toward me, pretending to be okay with how I am and with my relationship with Joe when it's obvious you're not, and you get on people so bad when they do that.  Like Gigi.  You hated her so much because of how fake she was.  And now you're doing the same thing.

 

When I cry, it's because I am dealing with my stress in the healthiest way I know how.  I've admitted that I have issues and I am making an effort to fix them.  I think it's about time you do the same because you obviously don't function at the highest level that you could.  I'm also very glad to see that you care that I'm upset rather than commenting to my boyfriend how I "cry over stupid ass shit."  If you have a problem with the way I'm acting, come to me about it and don't sneak and complain to my boyfriend about me behind my back.

 

You accuse me of being selfish.  You've even told Joe that I am on more than one occasion.  After everything that my family and I have done for you, do you really think I'm selfish?  We give you whatever you want and need, but yes, sometimes it needs to be about me.  A friendship is a relationship.  It's a give and take situation.  But you don't give; you only take.  

 

Now that I've told you how I feel, I think it would be best if we didn't speak any more.  I no longer trust you or even like you. 

 

I understand that I hurt you by going after Joe and I'm sorry.  I really didn't mean to upset you or betray you in any  way.  But you weren't even dating him, nor did he even like you.  Now you're going after Joe and I AM dating him.  What I did was not commendable, but I did it out of true feelings for a really great guy.  What you're doing, whatever it is, you're doing out of spite.  That's not an attractive quality in anybody, Andi.  

 

The things that Joe told you on the phone that night you guys talked for hours, you see in his relationship with me?  And that bothers you?  Well, you don't need to worry about that anymore.  It is none of your business, so butt out.  I'm sorry people always see me as the victim, but if EVERYONE labels me that way, maybe it's because you aren't doing everything right, like you seem to think you are.  You treat me like shit and people have been noticing it for years.  I can't tell you how many people have commented on it.  You're manipulative and you try to control me.  I'm sick of it and I'm finally telling you off, which is something I should have done years ago.  You've been a bad friend, not just to me, but to Jackie and Josh as well.  I hope you get help and fix yourself.  

 

I hope you get everything you want and that you're life is full of happiness, because, regardless of what you think of me, I truly care about you and I want only the best for you.  

 

Goodbye, Andi,

 

Alison





okay.
i don't want to be with joe. i told him that. i feel a connection with him, yeah. we both agreed it stops at friendship. and i never said we were a "better match." i didn't understand why he fell for your "i'm going to hang all over you even though you feel nothing" act. i understand what i did was wrong. and honestly, i felt really bad doing it. joe asked me questions. i answered. my head has been full of all this shit and i never talked about it. i'm not trying to "steal" him from you. i wouldn't do that.
& yes. i do think you're selfish. you always put yourself first. and don't you dare say i'm jealous of you. it was ridiculously hard seeing you with joe but i was happy because you were happy.
the only reason i was mad was because when me and joe talked on the phone that one night, he told me the types of relationships he didn't like and ones he avoided and how his past relationship was bad. i saw the same patterns with you and joe. and i had a genuine intention of helping prevent that by giving you advice. my intent was never to be deceitful or stab you in the back. just like when you hang all over joe even though i told you an hour before how i felt, it wasn't to be deceitful. you still cared for me. but it happened.
i admit, i felt comfortable telling joe all those things because i didn't expect his mind to change. i told you. he's a cancer. he's set in his ways. he will never change for anyone. i also felt comfortable because i didn't think it would get back to you and i'm sorry for that.
i know i hurt you. and i know what i did was really inappropriate. i'm not trying to interfere with your relationship. if i have ever tried to interfere, it was through giving you advice and suggestions based on my experience. i have never given you any advice with bad intentions.
i agree i'm interested in joe, i feel a lot closer to him than before. but i don't feel like it's a romantic interest. i feel like i care about him. & that affection is drawn from that. i don't want to be with joe. i couldn't be with joe. bottom line. i recognize him as being off-limits whether he's with you or not. but especially because he's with you. and that hasn't changed. & i'm not being desperate. don't talk to me about "looking desperate" when all you could do is hang all over joe in front of me when you never felt anything.
i didn't mean you weren't interested in companionship. but you do crave it and most of your actions are to get attention. you have even said this about yourself. you love attention. you love the spotlight. you NEED it. that's why when we first started hanging out with joe, all you could do was throw yourself at him because you need that encouragement. think what you want, i may be mistaken. but from all the years i've known you, that's just a trait i feel you possess.
our friendship means more to me than you could ever know. however, i have felt negatively about parts of you for a long time. i have never spoken about them because i didn't see the need. you can't change who you are. i've never felt betrayed until recently with joe. which is why everything came out like "word vomit." i felt personally attacked by what you did. & i felt like joe was repeating all the shit that made him feel awful which was frustrating to watch. it put me in a difficult situation and i'm sorry for handling it the way i did.
yeah i asked joe not to tell you, not because i was "trying to get away with something" but because i said awful things. i knew it wouldn't change joe's opinion about you. i felt better after saying all i needed to say. it was a bad way to handle the situation but i've already told you this whole thing with joe is ridiculously heart-wrenching and confusing. this has nothing to do with how i felt/feel about joe. it's hard because of my relationship with you. it was bad to assume that it wouldn't affect your relationship with him. but i felt justification in that.
& again, i never wanted it to hinder your relationship. joe adores you. i know that. i don't want to be with joe. i vented to joe. you could have been anybody. and i'm sorry it was your boyfriend. that was completely inappropriate for me to do.
& shut the fuck up with all the "this is NOT your house" shit. i know that. it's FINE. just stop saying it. it gets annoying and exhausting.
your happiness means a lot to me. which is why i never talked to you about everything. and i am NOT jealous of you. i never felt jealousy. when joe formed feelings for you and not me, i didn't feel jealous because i knew i was myself around him. and it just didn't work out, which is fine. & i got over the fact that he didn't want to be with me as soon as he started feeding off of your "i'm a horny teenager" act.
i don't "get excited" when you guys fight. i'm really happy you and joe are together. i think it's great for you before you go to college. and he makes you happy. and i am mean and rude to him because it makes me feel better to keep distance between me and him. i don't want you to get angry if me and him are hanging out and being cordial. i honestly didn't want to show any feelings or form any romantic feelings for him. again, i was thinking of YOU. and again, the "affection" does not stem from romance. it stems from a connection i feel with joe. and that's not a lie.
and don't fucking talk about my relationship with joshua or jackie. because you know shit when it comes to that. joshua DID act on his feelings. you would know that if you paid a speck of attention to anything but yourself.
i'm not saying what i did was perfectly okay. i don't think what i said was right at all and i admit that.
and the only reason i thought that was disrespectful was because you fucking LEFT for an hour and didn't even let me know if you were okay. and the situation before you left was obnoxious. you were mad because you weren't included in the fun.... when you were only SLEEPING. you could have just come and sorted jelly beans with us. but no. you had to throw a fucking fit. but i understand that because you started your period the next day so you were emotional. but i still don't know why you didn't respond to my text when i was checking on you. or even try to fucking talk to me when you got back.
i am okay with you and your relationship with joe. i don't like things about it but i don't want to waste my breath trying to talk to you about it. i don't feel like i can talk to you about it.
i'm not doing anything out of spite. my issues are my own, thanks. i'm not manipulative. i sure as hell do NOT try to control you. i've been walking on eggshells around you for years.
i understand how you feel about me and that's fine. i don't blame you. i don't trust you that much after what you did with joe regardless of your intentions.
you're "finally telling me off" well, i'm glad you had the balls to do what i couldn't do.

bye, alison.